MUKO

Now incorporating

The Y’All Call

The voice of New Mississippi

 

 

Esperantujo’s most-trusted online news source

Since 1999

MUKO purchases New Mississippi weekly newspaper; move saves         Y’All Call from bankruptcy and closing

By Nila Squirm

    In the biggest virtual newspaper acquisition in the history of Esperantujo, MUKO today assumed ownership of the flagship paper of what is increasingly being called the New Confederacy, Y’All Call. MUKO editor/publisher Dennis Havenselli reportedly paid 350,000 stelos and a year’s supply of Hotel Association Free Breakfast Coupons to the Nguyens, the New Mississippi catfish-farming family that published their weekly paper since 2002.

    “We plan no major changes in the style and editorial content of the Y’All Call,” Havenselli says. “It will simply become the fourth page of MUKO, beginning this week. It’s a win-win situation for New Mississippi, and the same is true for those of us who live in Esperantujo’s more urban areas.”

    Newspapers in rural Esperantujo have suffered from large revenue losses each year since 2007, according to the media business report What’s News. “It’s not much different from conditions in the United States, where even some major metropolitan papers have folded—hee, hee!—just in the past year,” trends and revenues editor Heinrich Alpenstock says. “MUKO is in an enviable position right now because of Dennis Havenselli’s unique business model. Don’t be surprised if he picks up The Malonia Bugle and possibly Sudkruĉo’s New Pudding Journal before September arrives.”

    

   

April May Sunshine

    Managing editor of the Y’All Call, who was already doubling as MUKO’s New Confederacy correspondent, will keep her job under the new owner.

    A 2006 graduate of Stonewall Jackson University with a major in Fête and Cotillion Organizing, April May went to work for the Call a month later and became editor before the year ended.

    “I’m happy and proud to now be a member of the MUKO news family,” Ms. Sunshine said. “I believe that all this will bring the New Confederacy to its rightful place in the nation of

First published TimeFone color pictures from media mogul Ed Hoopla’s global cruise

THE ISLANDS OF WHAT WOULD BECOME OUR HOMELAND OF ESPERANTUJO

Neĝventego Falls as it looked in 1947, caught by Ed Hoopla in a TimeFone photo whose date stamp has been left intact to prove its authenticity. Now, of course, the colorful resort town of Flava Hundo lies behind those rocky hills on the southwestern shore of Mr. Wooten, close to its border with the State of Zamenhofia.

The oil-rich island state of Quesadilla, as it looked 62 years ago. No one then knew that beneath its rocky soil lay the world’s richest petroleum supply. Along with the National Time Machine, the Quesadilla oil reserves are the land’s most valuable possessions.

The forbidding coastline of Occupied Himmelfarb. It’s an irony that the Nazi-leaning, Volapük-speaking ethnic Germans who were the area’s first settlers in 1934 were a mere 15 miles from Quesadilla and all that oil. It could have changed the course of history.

Queen “thrilled” by color TimeFone pics of Esperantujo

Her Majesty, Queen Antonia, is beside herself with joy after seeing pictures of  the land she rules as it looked in 1947.

    “It has a wild, exotic beauty,” Antonia says. “I’m so glad Mr. Hoopla was able to capture all that in color. I shall elevate him to a knighthood for his wonderful work.”

 

 

 

 

Has modern chemistry caught up with an old 1960s fantasy?

—

“Let’s get small” may finally have come true

One of the drug-induced fantasies of the 1960s was “let’s get small.” Some forty-odd years later, the children and grandchildren of those hippie pioneers kept the dream alive until in a lab somewhere, bent on carrying mind expansion to a new level, a Generation Y chemist cracked the code and produced the first size-altering compound.

    Says small bike rider Bambi Keepsake, “It’s so liberating! I look at that almost-empty glass of beer ahead of me, and I wonder if at my present size that would be more than I could safely drink.”

    Ms. Keepsake stopped at the end of the picnic table on which she’d ridden her mini-bike and pulled it out of the rut. “Wow! Awesome! For the first time in my 22 years, I feel really alive.”

    Knowing that she had only a few minutes before the drug’s effects wore off, Bambi nimbly hopped to the ground and scurried to a nearby port-a-potty to get out of her tiny outfit and into her regular clothes. “They say it hurts if you re-expand and burst out of your jeans,” she giggled.

PLEASE NOTE…

 

    This is a shortened issue of MUKO. The entire editorial, graphics and press room staffs are working round-the-clock to get BEST OF MUKO, Vol. II ready for publication. We have even had to borrow some people from the Hoppapopple Media Empire to help us get this important product in shape for the book manufacturers.

    Next week, MUKO will return with a full-length issue that includes the premiere issue, under our banner, of the Y’ALL CALL, the preferred paper of the New Confederacy, now a wholly-owned subsidiary of MUKO.

    We thank you for your patience!

 

    Dennis Havenselli and the entire staff of MUKO

We’re coming